okay pat passed out under dana's car
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
