Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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