just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
