Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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