I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
