In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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