It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
