The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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