Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
