I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
where am i from again
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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