apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
