Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
