pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
