I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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