I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
