I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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