She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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