smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
