Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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