I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
