Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
