420 ftw
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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