I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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