I think I won the penis lottery.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
