they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
