I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
