do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
