I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
