i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So gin and wine won't be happening again
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I supernannyed him into submission
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
