Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
