I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
