We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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