I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
