I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
