i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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