I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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