I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
