Yo dont text me then not text me
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
