I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize