I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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