I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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