Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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