how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
