so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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