Me. At least after what I've been through.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
