i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
