May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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