I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The air taste purple.
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