I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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