Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize