She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
