she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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