just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
