I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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