You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
