stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
