Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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