He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
