i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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