I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
They took my balls.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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