How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
