I look better un-naked...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
