Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
