It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
