I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
