you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
