I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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